Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Friday, March 26, 2010

Always pack it yourself

I realise I should be putting up a run down of what I've been up to this last week and a bit (as is customary and expected on a travel blog) but as I forgot my list and this will probably be the only opportunity in a while for me to write something you'll have to put up with something a little different ^_^

Being Human is to participate in the weirdest rituals ever known. Your probably thinking - that's all very well to say, but there isn't a whole lot to compare us to - this is true - but when you hear of fetishes involving dressing up in leather, being whipped into submission whilst pushing a hard boiled egg across the floor with your nose, you honestly have to wonder.

So now your thinking - yeah but Lesley, that's incredibly rare... (either that or how could he (yes it was a he) possibly have come to that realisation and particular combination of oddities - process of elimination?)

Ignoring the later, I agree with your point - its rare, so lets look at a fact much more common - so common that its performed by more than half the population on a regular basis(monthly if your of Mediterranean descent like me) I'm referring to the removal of hair from our bodies - more specifically the most painful way - that is the process of lathering your skin in hot lava like goo then waiting till it dries slightly and becomes sticky enough to rip of (along with your hair and at least two layers of skin) with strips of roughly torn calico.


In a society so focused on aesthetic sensibilities I can understand why it continues to this day - but how did it begin, what were the Egyptians thinking when they decided body hair was no longer an attractive accessory? Furthermore, should we be taking beauty advice from the same people that brought us mummification, that's right, the process of yanking your brains out through your nasal cavity along with other essential organs only to then store them in ornate jars alongside your decaying body ready for the possibility of a prosperous afterlife...

As I lie there once a month on a hard slim bed, my legs spread at odd angles, my hands above my head exposing my vulnerable armpits wearing only bra and panties I really wonder about the rituals we consider necessary. Then as if having all my hair and skin yanked of for an hour by a big bossumed lady with a thick accent sweating and squinting I have to shell out 60 dollars afterwords - I actually pay for what sane people would perceive to be torture!

So to reiterate - "Being Human is to participate in the weirdest rituals ever known"

I leave you now with my advice for the week:

Always pack left overs yourself; I learnt this the hard way when dining at the cheesecake factory today I asked them to put what was left of my meal (a significant amount) in a takeaway container - all I found in there once leaving the restaurant was two pieces of chicken and some lettuce... you've been warned

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Breath through your mouth

I'm sitting in the library right now, listening to the girl next to me burst out in spontaneous bouts of laughter, looking at the clock and wondering HOW THE HELL we ended up in MID MARCH! I know I've mentioned this before... once or twice maybe... but it is honestly freaking me out that only yesterday I was staring into the sky watching the 2010 fireworks display and hugging myself to ward away the brisk winter chill and now its the begining of spring, and we're already 2 and a half months into the new year... thats almost a quarter of the year gone (for those that struggle with maths). I'm 24 this year - no not old I know... but still along way of from that 10 year old that sat on her bed thinking, this is it.. probably not going to feel any older than this... only two years away from a projected life plan (made when I was 7) of being married with a kid in a nice cottage perpetualy dressed in overalls and painting the cieling, with a roaring fire in the hearth and some good jazz music in the background (preferably Ella Fitzgerald) - I thought it was important at the time to be visually specific when describing my future. Is this it - is this how fast life is going to go from now on?? If so I wish someone had told me - those times when two hours in the car seemed like an eternity of sitting, singing and looking at a monotony of trees speed by - someone had said - "hey" (cos in this fantasy my person of knowledge and leadership is fairly abrupt and not really polite) "hey - just appreciate alright! Because in ten years time an hour will be a milisecond, a day will be an hour and a year will seem like a really long day"

So with that of my chest I continue with my week - but before you go get yourself a snack - or just piss of entirely know that I wont continue as normal... for one thing not a lot happened this week - and as much as I don't want to bore your pants of I mostly don't want to relive it. I thought instead I'd just give you the bare bones - the straight facts - The "highlights" if you will.

Monday's highlight was missing the bus whilst wasting time in target finding out about store brand vitamins then catching 4 buses through woop woop to make it home before the next day.
Tuesday's higlight was seeing snowy mountains whilst walking to Cha - A rare and startling phenomenon when coming from a relitively flat country perpetually plagued by drought.
Wednesday saw Tony and I finally living up to our saintly persona's by visiting ASIFA for a bit of volunteer work and meeting a new friend that amazingly sat through my extremely eclectic taste in music.
Thursday was the day I discovered the podcast "The Tobolowsky files" a hark back to good old fashioned story telling. As well as small but nice sketch meet that night - I also came accross a fellow countryman who was nice enough to regail us with various highlights from his IMDB page and give my the contact information of the man that used to own Disney in Australia - he thought I'd appeal to the man based on the fact I'm young, Asutralian and a girl...
We'll skip over Friday
Saturday was more time at CHA - Cha being a highlight in itself
Then Sunday I worked all day with the lowlight being an almost three hour chat with my boss after hours that ended with me walking home listening to slit your wrist music and crying like an idiot trying to re-evalute my life and personality...

Well there you have it - not as bad as I thought - and for once a nice breif summery - something I used to think meant you only had to leave out the bits about you breathing and going to the toilet.

Hope your all well -

I'll leave you with some advice -
when travelling on public transport allways remember to breath through your mouth - This not only stops the mix of BO and homeless man stench perminently lining the sides of your mostrils but also stops you from passing out and missing your stop.


Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Monday, March 1, 2010

Go Anthony its your birthday - gonna paaarty like its ya birthday

Plus a little ode I wrote whilst waiting for the bus

I feel sick

The air stiffens around me as midday heat reaches a climax.
I look with searching eyes into the rippling distant horizon


Not a thing moving in sight. My eyes try and try and trick me, finding
anything of bus stature or likeness to give me hope.
I check my wrist for the 20th time to watch time tick away with malice.
My stomach is in knots, beads of sweat litter my forehead, I know the feeling well


It sets in like the flu, giving you small hints of its presence before it envelopes
you in pure cold fury. I lick my lips and swallow what's left of my saliva on this
morbidly hot day
"don't worry" I said "The bus will be on time"
My voice rings in my head sounding strained and unfamiliar


Why did I say that? I jinxed myself! things always go badly when you least
want them to... I curse myself
My life
My dependancy on a transport system that continues to fail me when I need it most


I hate this! I hate the bus! I hate the driver, I hate everyone that hindered me from
getting a license - I'll tell him.. I'll...

Suddenly the screech of brakes
The hiss of machinery relaxing to a stop.
He opens the door with a hard jerk, looking down on my squinting red face
He smiles as I climb heavily onto the steps and thrust my dollar in the slot.
In one swift nod of of kindness my anger dissolves and sitting lightly in a cozy
corner near the back I forget it all and am ready to begin again tomorrow